Turtles don't eat bread

So we are very excited at the idea of a little turtle friend living in our yard. It is a fast commute for him/her to get to the pond for a quick swim and then back to our safe and sound home for a nap. Jeffrey and I have spotted Angus (the turtle) several days in a row now. So far it seems that it lives near the far wall of our yard and then found a little hole in the fence to take that short walk to the pond.

The other day I decided to show Angus that we loved and welcomed it to our neighborhood by offering food as a sign of house warming and good hospitality. I looked in our fridge, wondering what it was that turtles ate, and decided that since we didn't have any leafy greens to offer I would try bread. After all you feed bread to ducks and fish and they live near or in water and turtles like water so by default they eat bread! (work with me here) I took a hot dog bun out of the bag and told Jeffrey to watch out the window and mommy was going to go out into the snake and bee infested back yard to feed our new little friend. He became very excited and waved "bye bye mommy!"

I opened the sliding glass door and did my look around for slithering enemies and made sure there were no wasps or bees eyeing me. I closed the door behind me and slowly crept towards our new neighbor. (I didn't want to move fast and alarm him, that just isn't good manners). When I was within about a foot of the cute little dude I turned to make sure Jeffrey could see what I was doing and once I verified my audience was alert I began to break the bread into small bite size pieces. I dropped them in front of but not too close to Angus, as to not scare him, and then when finished I slowly backed up and quietly reentered the house. I quickly ran to join Jeffrey at the window and watch our friend partake in his free meal only to watch Angus walk right over top of all the bread and continue to the hole in the fence and exit to the pond.

What? Turtles don't eat bread? But that defies all my logic (again, work with me here). If ducks, fish and other animals who like water eat bread, why don't turtles? Oh well, I just told Jeffrey that Angus was already full and didn't want to eat anymore.

We decided we had seen enough and the two of us broke away from the window to return to our previous activities of eating and having fun making strange noises. Life went on and I soon forgot about the little run in with Angus and day became night, Jeffrey went to bed, Nathaniel ate more food, yadda yadda yadda. The next morning I woke up and opened the window so we could try to see if Angus was out and to sit with Luigi for breakfast when I realized that something was very different. I looked around to see what was going on and I realized that at some point during the night the birds must have discovered my hospitality and devoured the donation I had made in the yard. There was bird poop EVERYWHERE. I couldn't believe what a mess had been made while attempting to eat a hot dog bun. Thankfully, God sent a small storm to wash away the mess but I learned a very valuable lesson in this experience. TURTLES DON'T EAT BREAD! (at least Angus doesn't eat bread, maybe he has an indigestion issue or an allergy to wheat).