Potty Chaos

It's been a while since I had a chance to tickle my keyboard with a blog.  Let's just say, the frequent moving all over the country has not been kind to my computer and it had a bit of a mental breakdown.  Thankfully, the awesome people at Geek Squad were able to help me out and revived my precious little black box.:-)  I'm BAAAACK!

First entry for a while and it is a doozy.  Be ready people.

Since my last post Bubba has learned to use the potty.  He still wears pull ups at night but during the day the kid is going like a pro!  We are able to go out of the house and he uses public restrooms and has even allowed his little self to use grass in an emergency.  I like to say, he is pretty much fully trained. 

All has been going well....... till.......

last night.

Oh mother of goodness and everything that is special.....

For the past month and a half of this pregnancy I have valued any amount of sleep I can get.  I'm extremely uncomfortable and sleep is not coming easy.  Last night I think my body just had enough and decided to quit.  I    PASSED    OUT!!!!

At 4 am I was wakened to the feeling of someone suffocating me by covering my nose.  That feeling turned out to be a reality because as I opened my eyes I saw Bubba sitting practically on my head with his hand on my face removing any chance my nose had at breathing oxygen.  While reducing my oxygen level he was also repeating,

 "I HAVE TO GO POTTY, I HAVE TO GO POTTY!!!!"

In my groggy state I recognized the 911 call and went into action. 

Please note: I'm the size of a baby killer whale at the moment and about as graceful as a penguin doing ballet. 

I happened to be laying on my left side which meant my back was to the edge of the bed and I was facing towards the center of the bed.  For those of you who have never been ginormously pregnant please understand that I had do an entire 180 turn in order to get my feet over the side of the bed and THIS IS NOT A FAST NOR GRACEFUL EVENT.  I began the process of the 180 degree roll and got stuck on my back.  Somehow the blanket had also joined me in the move and twisted around me legs preventing me from going any further.  I attempted to lift my huge middle off the bed to untangle myself and let's just face it, that's laughable.

Have I mentioned that Bubba is still sitting on the bed yelling, "I HAVE TO GO POTTY, I HAVE TO GO POTTY!"

Eventually, by the Grace of God I untangled myself (pretty sure He sent down an angle to do this for me cause my all physics standards there is no way I accomplished this feat myself).  I got my feet to the floor and stood up.  I reached out to grab Bubba's hand at which time he yelled, "MY LEGS DON'T WORK!  I CAN'T WALK!!!" 

Oh my word, I'm not awake enough for this.  I scoop him up, carry him to the bathroom and stand him up so I can remove the pull up.  Except when I reached out to pull down the pants there was no Bubba.  He had crumbled to the ground and was yelling, "I HAVE TO GO POTTY AND IT HURTS AND MY DIAPY WON'T HOLD THE PEE AND IT IS LIGHTNING MCQUEEN POTTY!!!!!" 

Again, I'm NOT awake enough for this.  WHAT????  Did he just tell me he had Lightening McQueen potty?  What on earth is this child talking about? 

I said, "Buddy let me pull your pants down and I will put you on the potty!"

Bubba: "No!!!!  My legs don't work.  Lightening McQueen Potty!!!"

Me: "Just potty in your pants and I will change them!"

Bubba: "The pull ups won't hold the potty!!!! It will get all over me.  There is too much!!!!"

Me: "They will hold, just go or else let me pull them off and put you on the toilet!!!!"

Bubba: TOTAL AND COMPLETE MELTDOWN FULL OF SCREAMING, BAWLING, BIG TEARS, AND CHATTER OF SOME SORT THAT I COULD NOT FULLY UNDERSTAND.

Me: Shaking my head.

The commotion brought out some reinforcement.  Mom and dad stumbled out of their bedroom to see who was being tortured for information.  Thankfully, mom understood something that I was not picking up during the chaos.  Bubba was not informing me that he HAD Lightning McQueen potty.  He wanted to USE the Lightening McQueen potty.  The little plastic potty that was sitting out on the porch which has not been used for 2 whole kids now.  Literally, neither child would use it because of how small it was and how large I grow my children.  At 4 in the morning who would have ever thought this request would be made????

Mom went running out to the porch, grabbed the potty, came running back in and whew, it was just in the nick of time.  Little man got his pants off and sat to do his business.  The screaming stopped, the drama was over, and he finished and crawled back in bed to fall asleep again.

OH   MY   WORD.  I am pretty sure that this was not my finest moment however I'm so thankful that mom was there to decode the message.  It is possible that without her help I would still be sitting on the side of the bathtub with a child screaming all over a wet floor. 

Morale of the story: Don't sleep, it's overrated.